true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
