even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
