based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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