Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
