Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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