would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
