her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize