Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize