the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
