She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
