i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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