Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
