GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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