I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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