we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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