Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
