Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
