All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
