thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i've created a new STD.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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