took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
