I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
