does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
