We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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