so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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