yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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