so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize