i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
