I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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