It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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