and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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