Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
