Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
