he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
worst night to have a conscience
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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