She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
