Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
