Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
