dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
