Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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