Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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