i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
