i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Drunk is not a location!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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