I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize