sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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