can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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