it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize