Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
