My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
