i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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