Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
