yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
