I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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