Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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