I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
