You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
