I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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