Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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