He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
