He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
