Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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