he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
