yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
