I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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