It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
