I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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