nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
