Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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