Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
