she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
